Thursday, March 03, 2011

Didn't blog for almost two years!

I can't believe that it has almost been two years since my last post. So much has happened that I wouldn't even know where to start. April 2009, I know I was single and not even thinking of settling down, I wasn't even close to finishing school, and life wasn't that bad. Fast forward two years and I am two classes away from graduating from the top school in the south, I am engaged to be married and I am for the most part really happy. I still work at the same place, and don't plan on changing that until I graduate, but as history has taught me who knows what will happen. Life always has a funny way of throwing you curve balls when you least expect it.

I don't know where to begin, so I'll start with some current events. School is going fine. I had to drop my Operations Management course today because I just couldn't get a grasp of it. I think there should be some type of pre-requisit that you should have to take, I have no idea what it should be, but I wish I would have taken it. To me it was like the class was being taught in another language. I have no idea what Pie over Sigma divided by the Square root of the projected sales even means. Don't get me wrong the class was super interesting, but I didn't know what they were talking about half the time. I did give it the old college try. I went and spoke with the professor and asked for some extra help, but my attempt was futile, it was not meant to be. I know now that I do not want to be a project manager. On a good note, I had my mid-term in my International Buss. development course and I am pretty sure I ACED it! It is a good feeling to take a test and know all of the answers. This class should raise my GPA. I am excited!

I have been feeling so unmotivated lately. I have this tendency to start working out and then just stopping for no apparent reason. I am starting to think that I am lazy. When I work out I feel better, but I just can't talk myself into going to the gym. I even went as far as drawing up a dry erase board with a chart that would track my progress of how much weight I lost and bought a fancy scale that measures my body fat ratio (whatever that is) and just like always for the first week I stayed with it and ran, but after that second week, I don't know, I just kinda stopped doing it. My fat chart looks like a straight line drawn across a board, so sad. I started working out because I just feel unhealthy. To anyone that has been heavy (I have been my whole life) we can tell when we are starting to flirt with the " dude your getting big" voice in our heads. I am complex, I am probably the chubbiest confident person I know. Some people might even say that I carry a bit of arrogance when I walk, what ever, there just jealous. I really want to lose weight, I just wish there was an easier way; if anyone has any good ideas let me know.

I have a lot more to write about but I just don't think I am ready to share everything at the moment. Plus, my fiance and I just had a fight and I think that it is a bad idea for me to write when I am pissed off, in the past it usually leads to more arguing. But I am gonna list some things so that I remember to write about them.

Things to write about in the upcoming weeks.

1. being sober and my experience with A.A.
2. Going back to church and really enjoying it. (life group)
3. How I met Connie
4. Being engaged

That's all I can think of at the moment, I finally have my own laptop computer so hopefully I will start writing on a more regular basis, I feel better when I see my issues written down. My own therapy.

1 comment:

SuperHumanC said...

I'm so glad to see you're trying to start blogging again. Now I actually have something to "follow" ;) I know it feels like it's been a hundred years since we've seen each other in person but I want you to know I am really proud of you for all the growth you've exhibited in your life. Nothing in this life is ever going to be easy, there will ALWAYS be bumps along the way. However, it's journey that definitely makes the trip completely worth the effort.

As for working out, I totally feel you! I started going to therapy in April and decided (once again) I should try harder to workout more and even quit smoking! On 4/27/11 I began walking/jogging 2 miles, 5 days a week and I smoked my last cigarette. As of today, 6/5/11, I am still smoke free and ok, I haven't exactly gotten all 5 days a week since week one, BUT I'm still exercising. I feel better and I am always so super proud of myself AFTER I'm done. I feel accomplished. But despite that voice in my head telling me to get off my fat ass and go do it...getting out there and doing it the HARDEST thing. *I am a calendar junkie. I LOVE CALENDARS! So, everytime I exercise, I highlight around the days in yellow. For some reason, I get excited to see all the days. Even though I only had 10 last month LOL but still...10 days is better than NO DAYS! :)

I can't begin to tell you how awesome I think it is you quit drinking. I know it is (and was) a tough decision. I love smoking. I don't know why, it's disgusting. But I love it. And yes, I miss it. Yet, I know I'm doing the right thing...and I love how my perfume stays on longer and I always smell nice now and not like Newports LOL

Please keep up the GREAT work!

I look forward to more blogs. I too am going to revive my blog. In fact, IDK if you saw it on FB, but I put up a status recently asking what my friends thought about the possibility of me turning my journal of 5 years into a book. I titled my journal "Diary of a Fat Girl Looking for Love in a Thin Girl's World". Kinda wordy but I like it ;)

I have struggled with weight/image issues my entire life. Then, 2 years ago I found out I had been severely diabetic for several years and no one had caught it. The doctors are thinking I developed Gestational Diabetes when I was pregnant with my son (I was 19 when I had him) and it grew worse from being uncontrolled. Long story short: In the past 2 years, I have been on medicine to control it and lost almost 200lbs. Sadly, I still have at least another 100lbs to go, but I have to remember at least I am no longer well over 500lbs! I have made a lot of progress, but still have much more to go.

So see, life throws curveballs at you all the time. You just gotta watch and know when to swing and when not to.

Keep ya head up! :)